Fru's Views, Reviews, News, and Muse

Hank Watches Television 259 : Very Silly Conversation

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:44:17 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

The idea for this strip and the joke in the first panel are the work of my phenomenally fabulous best friend, Felicity Walker.

She and I have goofy conversations like this all the time.

It’s part of what makes us so darn special!

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:00:12 GMT

01:22 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 258 hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=595 #
06:51 @philthethrill : About "Still Lives At Home" guy... how'd you get involved? #
13:49 RT @michaelianblack: My daughter: "Why doesn't the alarm go off when Santa goes down the chimney?" Me: "Magic." My daughter: "Bullshit." #
16:55 @paulapoundstone : So take the bustle off! Geez, what some ladies do to look fashionable. #
19:42 @thebenbrooks : You need some medical heroin to calm you down. #
19:49 McDonald's has come up with something that immediately grabbed my attention : S'MORES PIES. #
19:50 If people can see right through you, then they're not really seeing you at all. #
19:52 I didn't have a lot of toys as a child. they never could compete with the ones in my head. #
20:20 @thebenbrooks : I had an Adequate Dane as a pet when I as a child. It was OK. #
23:30 It's definitely surreal to see ads for Walmart in French. Bievenue a la monde Canadien. #
23:31 @kevinpollak : I lose more of my ability to handle the cold each year that I live on the Wet Coast here. I mean, below freezing seems cold! #
23:50 Now as you can see, merely by using this simple equation... digs.by/13Gl #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Writer's Block: Holiday cheer

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 22:40:32 GMT

Do you tend to get nostalgic during the holidays? Depressed? Giddy? How do the winter holidays make you feel?

View 572 Answers

Warmth and happiness mixed with deadly depression.

Kind of a mixed bag, really.

I love Xmas. It's a very "me" time of year, with people being nice and doing little rituals and traditions and giving gifts and all kinds of great stuff.

On the other hand, I am far away from any of my relations, and my friends all have their own families to go to, so.... I also tend to be alone, and that leads to depression.

This year I've found myself pondering whether it would be easier to be one of these Xmas-hating humbugers who sneer at the whole thing. It would provide some sort of "sour grapes" defense, at least for a while.

But I can't do it. Deep down I'm a Christmas kinda guy. I could never be so grumpy or negative.

I'm just too sweet to be so sour.

So I guess I'll just have to live with the sadness that comes with it.

Hank Watches Television 258

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 09:22:39 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

For a dead guy, he’s pretty cool, don’t you think?

Very laid back about the whole being doomed to haunt the site of his sudden and horrible demise until such time as he completes his mortal task…… thing.

Maybe the problem is that it’s the screechy, haunty, chain-dragged, child-levitating type of ghost that gets all the press.

They need better PR.

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 08:00:09 GMT

00:51 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 257 : WWCTE hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=593 #
10:55 Iron Matron #superiorbands #
13:10 RT @shitmydadsays: "Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?” #
17:27 @DeeHathaway : Your one-stop shop for all your ho repair and ho renovation needs. For those who'd rather NOT "do it themselves", I guess. #
17:43 These people put the "crazy" in "crazy Canucks. " Warning, this video might make you feel cold. digs.by/12lU #
17:49 A guy goes all Ian Anderson with his flute, and busts it pretty funky with the beatboxing digs.by/12lY #
17:59 A very well-done fake trailer for a cross between Harry Potter and Dangerous Minds. digs.by/12lh #
18:03 More high quality skit.... Batman raps about how frigging confusing the plot of Dark Knight was. digs.by/12lo #
18:04 Alright, you win. You're the dominant nerd. Now will you turn that down before we all go blind? digs.by/12lp #
19:00 @michaeljnelson : Just look for the Big Yellow Joint! #
19:04 David Cross reveals why Arrested Development was canceled. digs.by/12ma #
19:27 @BillCorbett : Durante sans context is quite the conundrum, indeed. Glad my mother was nearby to explain him to me at that tender age. #
19:29 A very interesting comment regarding suicide and depression : digs.by/12mx #
23:05 @elix : Is Torchlight a PC game, by any chance? #
23:06 RT @thebenbrooks: My wife and I just got a California King Size mattress. It's so big, when we go to sleep we're legally separated. // LOL! #
23:46 @elix : Groovay. :) I might just get it for myself then, I've been craving a Diablo-esque game for ages. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 257 : WWCTE

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:51:36 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

People might actually get interested in non-celebrity court cases this way.

Imagine people in stadiums watching a case, booing, cheering.

Chanting “Overturn! Overturn!”.

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:00:21 GMT

00:12 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 256 : Satanic Xmas Carol hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=591 #
11:52 @michaelianblack : But then it'll become snow Lucifer and rule snow Hell until snow Armageddon! #
12:06 So does this amazing #avatar 3D require special glasses? #
12:30 @Sanddancer : OK, thanks! #
15:43 Reality is stupid. #
20:07 @wilw : Kinda makes you wonder what President Hilary would have been like, doesn't it? #
20:33 Life is a super-complex RPG with no manual where you have to create your character without knowing enough about what you'll need later. #
21:12 Always remember : you might be wrong. That way, it'll hurt less if you are. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 256 : Satanic Xmas Carol

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:12:17 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

That’s this “The Christmas Song” :

Not this one :

Just so there’s no confusion.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:00:19 GMT

01:17 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 255 : The Manhole hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=588 #
06:18 Bored men + heavy equipment = new extreme sport! digs.by/123L #
07:11 @michaelianblack : All extremists must die. #
12:44 Snack Shack, or Saucy Imperative? digs.by/12EA #
13:04 Sars Wart #scrambledmovies #
14:20 @MJMcKean : I think Cookie Monster on Martha beats Snoop Dogg for Apocalyptitude. Youtube it. Drink in the horror. #
14:22 @BillCorbett : You got creepy responses to "watching your kids play"? That's... absolutely horrifying. The Internet has no bottom. #
16:52 RT @wilw: Best thing about Avatar is that it imagines a world where a program to breed Thundercats with Smurfs has been successful. SCIENCE! #
17:07 @TeensAreMorons : Well he wouldn't want to wear those dumb "winter" clothes his parents bought him. Then he'd look like an IDIOT. #
18:16 The 100 words every high school graduate should know. Only ones I don't know are abstemious, moeity, and quotidian. And me an Honors student #
18:36 @TraceBeaulieu : Thank God for those Pagans. #
18:37 @jodireid : See, bringing "usefulness" into anything involving high school English teachers is pure treasonous blasphemy. #
19:12 @jodireid : I'm really hoping it's a motion sensor. I don't want global megacorps sensing my emotions. #
19:13 @TeensAreMorons : His father needed a bottle opener? #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 255 : The Manhole

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:17:12 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Somewhere, out there, has to be the scariest gay bar in the world.

The one that even old queens who’ve been around the block so many times they get frequent flier miles won’t go to.

This… is its story.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 08:00:12 GMT

00:34 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 254 : Much Needed Legislation hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=585 #
01:50 Wow! There's USB TV Tuner/TV Out devices? Keen gear! Screw PCI-E then. #
01:56 I swear, someone stole all the "sort by rating" options on product comparison sites. #
02:10 A cat. Some talented editing. And the MacGyver theme. digs.by/11WA #
02:25 Every Simpsons headline ever! Ignore the audio, it's just some classical music. digs.by/11WL #
03:25 Clam Ripple #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:26 Yorkshire Pudding n' Gravy #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:26 Big Chunks o' Crap #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:26 Almond Praline Seepage Surprise #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:27 Old-Fashion Isotope Sundae #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:28 Those Aren't Boysenberries #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:28 Chicken Salad Sandwich #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:29 Stuff From Ed's Pocket #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:29 Better Hope That's Yogurt #terribleicecreamflavours #
03:30 Honey Bunches Of Grit #terribleicecreamflavours #
12:30 RT @Krud: If I were Earth's Fairness Czar I would decree that Bill Watterson reserves the right to smash any window featuring a bootleg ... #
12:57 Fennecs. Are. So. Damned. CUTE. digs.by/11mu #
12:58 Magical Baseball Team #3wordfilmsynopsis #
13:02 Luke, I'm Daddy! #3wordfilmsynopsis #
13:12 Retard invades history #3wordfilmsynopsis #
13:14 Feral gentry rescued! #3wordfilmsynopsis #
13:15 Mermaids are stupid #3wordfilmsynopsis #
13:16 Aliens save geezers #3wordfilmsynopsis #
18:42 @philthethrill : Another young person with a tragically incomplete sense of ethics. I bet he cried and everything. #
19:07 You wanna know about the fucking weather? Fine, here's the fucking weather! digs.by/11ta #
19:09 @diablocody :That was the last barrier... having to actually go to Taco Bell to get that flavour. My god, what hath we wrought? #
19:14 @jodireid : Is it wrong that that site cheers me up? :P #
22:28 @timheidecker : Whenever trouble by how much of a pathetic hack Dunham is, just repeat this mantra : "He's Not Carlos Mencia". Helps a lot. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 254 : Much Needed Legislation

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 08:34:19 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

I can imagine Homer Simpson heading this campaign.

“Real World Unfair To Stupid People!”

Maybe work in the Americans With Disabilities Act somehow.

“These issues need to be made moron-accessible!”

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 08:00:36 GMT

00:22 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 253 : It Finally Worked hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=584 #
07:16 RT @FakeAPStylebook: drag race - a competition in which drivers dress up their cars in pink and lace to see which is the prettiest. #
07:18 @BillCorbett : Gah, I hate "Simple Having A Wonderful Xmas Time". Hard to believe it came from the melodic genius McCartney. #
08:09 @wickedamy : If my hooker can be a dude, I'm all in for the drunk cholesterol orgy! #
08:55 RT @wickedamy: If your car alarm goes off for more than 60 seconds, your keys automatically electrocute you. // Good. Short learning curve. #
08:59 I feel very bad for this woman. But suicide is not a right. digs.by/11BC #
09:17 I'm going to invent the world's first fractal snack, the Mandelbrotwurst. #
09:20 @Tawnmaru : If she really wants to die, it's pretty easy. Jump off a bridge. Eat poison. But don't involve the government. #
13:20 @Bluebie : You're free to commit suicide. Nobody can stop you. But you can't expect the government to help. That's too much. #
13:22 @silvermink : If you pick one directory as your favorite, it'll just make all the rest of them jealous. #
13:28 @Bluebie : Because then you're asking the government to decide who lives and who dies. #
13:41 @Bluebie : So the doctors decide who lives and who dies? Follwing government laws, right? #
14:03 NEWSFLASH! Budget cuts hit energy science! Millions of superconductors left ohmless! #
14:04 @Bluebie : Actually, I agree with you. I'm pro-euthanasia for medical reasons. I got off on a weird tangent there. :P #
14:46 Are you afraid that if the universe knows you're happy, it'll stop giving you things? #
14:47 @the_onehundred : Old, and British. Be a lamb and pass the scones, would you? #
14:50 You know, they call it a head cold, but I didn't vote for it. #
15:09 RT @FakeAPStylebook: It is not necessary to refer to the Mountain Time Zone. There will never be a story from there./ Try Atlantic. #
15:10 @michaeljnelson : HE. HATES. SAUERKRAUT. That's all he's really trying to say. #
17:30 Win a new Canon 5DMKII or $2700 of photo printing/product from @WHCCPro & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Info: bit.ly/6Mtx9I #
19:21 @michaelianblack : In fact, the water from your tap works quite well, especially when it's cold from the fridge. #
20:13 Dear fellow white people : never tell someone with a terrible life that you envy them because their life seems so "romantic". NOT HELPING. #
23:44 Dear chapters.indigo.ca : If I don't have any others choices, it's not really "premium" shipping. It's just shipping. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 253 : It Finally Worked

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 08:22:30 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

You finally did it!

You turned your boyfriend into your gay best friend.

You go girl!

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 08:00:27 GMT

01:27 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 252 : Thanks A Lot hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=582 #
11:20 RT @FakeAPStylebook: Go ahead and use "shit" in your articles. Anyone really still offended by it can go back to Happy Candy Bear Island. #
12:49 RT @TheRealUHF: Weird Al to be included in the next Guitar Hero!!! // AWESOME! Finally tracks for us comedy nerds! #
13:43 I swear, playing this game is like Fight Club for word nerds. You'll feel beaten and maimed and you'll go back for more. digs.by/10hc #
13:49 @skylos : Well yeah, I'm a total word nerd. :) #
16:28 Gah. I just threw up in my mouth a little. Thank goodness I've got mints. #
17:44 Some people exist only to provide rock solid proof that life ain't fair. #
17:46 @silvermink : At Shoppers, they have an aisle marked "Feminine Paper". You know, the pink kind, with kittens. Same aisle? "Incontinence". #
19:57 RT @thebenbrooks: I've solved the mystery of crop circles. Intergalactic tagging. // I like this theory. Simple. Elegant. funny. #
19:59 @wickedamy : Cold hands? #
20:24 @wickedamy : Only real gay shit will do! #
21:22 You've probably never heard of him. digs.by/10qg #
22:13 Falling Off Jacob's Ladder #mishapmovies #
22:14 Indiana Jones and the Fractured Skill #mishapmovies #
22:45 RT @JamesUrbaniak: If they ever make a Benny Hill biopic the second act low point should feature a slow, sad version of Yakety Sax. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 252 : Thanks A Lot

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 09:27:34 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to think this during an action movie.

Sure, you stopped the bad guys, but you shot the shit out of Mister Ethnic’s Little Convenience Store in the process.

Ya gonna pay for that, big shot? Didn’t think so.

Thanks a fucking lot.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 08:00:26 GMT

00:10 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 251 : The Listen Line hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=579 #
08:09 RT @MJMcKean: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." Voltaire // Which is why sature is so vital. #
17:03 @mattruby : McDonald's has a "Warm Oriental Salad". Made with genuine warm orientals, I imagine. #
18:41 Hark, Obama! The Ghost of LBJ Beckons! digs.by/10Gy #
18:44 @wickedamy : Horse teeth make it really hard to take someone seriously. You keep thinking of Mister Ed. #
18:46 @jodireid : YES. Laundromats have years of ennui and despair encrusted on the walls. They're incredibly depressing. #
18:57 @robkroese : I got three words for your third book. Massive. Ewok. ORGY. #
23:43 @BillCorbett : NOT SERGEI Lock up your plastic utensils and put chastity belts on all your sheep! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Hank Watches Television 251 : The Listen Line

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 08:10:33 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

They should just merge the two lines.

Call it the Your Gay Buddy line.

For you know, whatever you might need a gay friend for.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 08:00:11 GMT

00:06 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 250 : A Simple Transaction hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=577 #
06:42 I can't wait to see what month I get from my Month of the Month Club this month. I hope this one has Xmas! #
06:55 RT @givesmehope Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went on the ferris wheel at a festival, and my boyfriend is terrified ... retwt.me/l4RV #
11:07 He knows if you've been bad or good... so BE GOOD, for your life's at stake! #wouldmakeagreathorrormovie #
12:49 @DeeHathaway : I think I saw that kitchen on "Flip This House". #
14:13 @cargoweasel : Why do people hate Green Day so much? Dookie is a great album! #
14:23 RT @cargoweasel: Actually the only other Rock band that should be made is Rock Band: Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem // THIS. #
16:45 @robkroese : That's a heck of a nap. Usually, I lose my power of flight right before waking up. In a sweat. Three inches from the ceiling. #
19:31 Being sensitive is not for wimps. #
19:32 OMG, it's a sink! hijinksensue.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/2008-09-11-josh-enterprise-sink.png #
19:52 @splatnuk : I remember that from the Freddie Mercury tribute concert. It was amazing. The amount of sexual energy on that stage... #
20:20 @splatnuk : Um, no, I was not there, but I watched it live on TV. :P #
20:32 @splatnuk : LOL. :) Well, it used to, back when I was a MuchMusic junkie. (Canadian music video channel. ) #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Writer's Block: Voulez-vous parler ...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:37:29 GMT

Which language(s) do you currently speak? If you could learn only one other language, what would you choose, and why?

Submitted By stormvoel

View 1363 Answers

I speak English.

I want to be able to speak French. It's more than just curiosity or the desire to be able to get civil service jobs in Canada. I feel a sort of genetic yearning... some part of my mind thinks I should be able to speak French. It's my heritage, after all.

Also, Japanese. No heritage there, but Japanese culture interests me, and I'd love to be able to travel to Japan and speak the local lingo.

Hank Watches Television 250 : A Simple Transaction

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:06:46 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

More gay sex jokes.

Well, write what you know, right?

And if there’s one thing I know, it’s….. jokes.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:00:11 GMT

00:00 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 249 : Main Plot Breach hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=575 #
10:30 RT @jodireid: My husband: "Sure, pull out in front of us. It's just death, and that only happens once or twice in your lifetime." // LOL! #
10:32 Geek Dad Quality Time. Where's the next Normal Rockwell? twitpic.com/t808b #
10:40 RT @givesmehope Today I was dressed as a bear and went around a carnival hugging people. I saw a girl about 16 cryi... retwt.me/18HWb #
10:50 My arteries are clogging just looking at this thing : digs.by/zqD #
13:36 @hodgman : Read it. But make sure you're a great mood first, because comedy gets no darker. #
14:18 I love how Granny thinks. NSFW. digs.by/zt8 #
14:27 @jodireid : You have the wrong comfort food. What are you eating, marbles? :P #
14:51 @thebenbrooks : Sadly, the ravages of malnutrition have taken their toll on their academic progress. #
14:52 @Scottclevenger : Zipless Spam is a recipe from Erica Jong's "Fear of Frying", right? #
17:12 @wickedamy : It rubs the lotion on its boobs, and then they end up on YouTube? :P #
18:42 This lifelike yet incredibly creepy baby brought to you by the well-meaning people at Uncanny Valley. digs.by/zvP #
23:52 @michaelianblack : If you don't care, you're not a dissident, you're a diffident. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Writer's Block: Forever young

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:53:16 GMT

If cryogenics became a real, affordable option (i.e., if you could freeze your body until aging and illnesses were better understood), would you consider it? If so, do you fear you'd miss out on the wisdom that comes with growing old and dying?

View 613 Answers

I totally would go for it. Why not? I don't want to grow old and die. Wisdom comes from living long enough to figure stuff out, not from getting old and sick.

Plus, it would be like a fast-forward button into the future!

Hank Watches Television 249 : Main Plot Breach

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:00:38 GMT

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Some self-aware sci-fi for you today.

Hey Felicity, this would work in BCSFAzine!

It’s definitely geeky enough.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:00:15 GMT

00:01 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 248 : This Winter At The Theatre hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=573 #
03:50 Logically, I know that it's just a robot and he's just showing off its balance abilities. But I still hate this guy. digs.by/zMl #
08:03 And so I come to you.... with open arse.... #procktology #immature #
12:09 @wickedamy : I'll see your lingering cubicle visitor and raise you one creepy UPS guy who is WAY too familiar. #
12:11 @the_onehundred : My right hand is colder than the left too. But it's the one that uses the mouse... that might be why. #
12:38 @the_onehundred : A heated mouse would be perfect. I'm sure USB 2.0 can provide enough power. Genius! :P #
13:40 @OleHippie : Spa. If only to see the look on their faces when she shows up. #
18:22 For all you Net-Jews : Honika Electronika digs.by/zgI #
18:24 I'm tired of playing grownup. I want to play something else now. #
18:27 @hodgman @wilw : Does any of this relate to those "negative cutters" I see in the credits? I thought they made things more positive.... #
18:29 @thebenbrooks : That never works. You have to provide plaudible deniability. "Bet you'd do anything to get your child to be quiet... " #
18:39 A completely hilarious ass-kicking standup routine about real science versus bullshit like homeopathy : digs.by/zgP #
18:41 RT @givesmehope I work at Petsmart. We have an adoption center where cats from local shelters stay until they are ad... bit.ly/4qIoGT #
18:42 RT @tweetmeme A boy in my sister's high school lost his mother to suicide this year. The Christmas gifts he is buyin... bit.ly/5kgJON #
18:47 RT @givesmehope In HS I was suicidal all the time and had no friends and always ate alone. One day a classmate came ... bit.ly/5fgsdH #
18:49 RT @givesmehope This weekend my best friend got into a car accident. The other driver was killed. She was consumed b... bit.ly/823E5m #
18:49 @Moderately : Well he's damned funny, and spot-on, too. :) #
18:53 RT @givesmehope Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years in a nice restaurant. When she said yes, the entire... bit.ly/798dqs #
19:17 You have to play this game, if only for the soundtrack... I guarantee it's unlike any video game music you've heard. digs.by/zgn #
19:17 @jodireid : That's my grandfather. He needs his meds. #
19:27 I stop playing the game yet the song is STILL PLAYING IN MY HEAD. What did it do to my MIND? #
20:00 RT @givesmehope I work in a day nursery. One day a little boy was on my lap crying. Another little boy came over and... bit.ly/8PXncj #
20:06 RT @givesmehope Today, three of my closest guy friends had come to visit me in the hospital. Not too long ago I was ... bit.ly/1jceB4 #
20:50 RT @givesmehope Today, my husband and I were fighting because he forgot to send out our bills. Afterwards there was ... bit.ly/2j1nlt #
20:58 Some more GMH goodness : A video featuring some of the best from last September. Warning : Coldplay. digs.by/zhg #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter