Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Wow, what an unexpected development!

The shoe is on the other foot now, isn’t it, Poison Clam!

Not that clams have shoes. Or feet.

• 00:56 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 237 : The Revenge Of Steve, Part V hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=550 #
• 04:28 @Lauren_Bacall : I would totally watch "The Real Golden Girls". :) #
• 04:32 @silvermink : Di estives? You're right.... turning a G into a heart just plain does not work. They don't look enough alike. #
• 04:32 RT @yislash: RT @Tarpo: Ratatouille/Williard #unlikelydoublefeatures // LOL! A winnar is you! #
• 04:38 RT @Lauren_Bacall: Brigitte Bardot,Elizabeth Taylor,Sophia Loren and I should all star in a reality TV show called "The Real Golden Girls" #
• 04:38 I would TOTALLY watch "The Real Golden Girls". :P #
• 08:07 I just generated a #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: post, blog, hank - w33.us/3q2z #
• 13:42 RT @fireland: I joined the KKK for the homophobia but stayed for the anonymous gay sex. #
• 14:28 RT @silvermink: I think baby servals should be called servlets. // Just the males. The females should be "serviettes". :P #
• 14:29 @michaeljnelson : Look on the bright side. You're now mentholated. #
• 16:27 @michaeljnelson : Ask Dennis Miller how it feels to be a show biz leper after licking Satan's taint for eight years. Fucker. #
• 16:34 @wickedamy : Is the despair yours? For that matter, are the turkey farts? #
• 20:04 @thebenbrooks : I'm not much of a "joiner" myself. #
• 20:38 When I was more depressed, I didn't care if I lived or died. Now I do. And someday, I'm gonna die. Which is depressing. #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Wonder Champion. So THAT’s what he’s called.

He totally thought he was on the way to winning this conversation with the whole “I have tons of superpowers” angle.

He’s gonna be extra pissed now.

• 00:33 RT @thebenbrooks: I don't think the recession is over. I just saw a ninja waiting for a bus. // The ninja you can see is not a true ninja! #
• 00:41 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 236 : The Revenge Of Steve, Part IV hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=549 #
• 00:54 I just generated my #TweetCloud out of a month of my tweets. Top three words: blog, television, watches - w33.us/bxz #
• 11:40 RT @TeensAreMorons: “I heard people fart a lot at yoga.” #
• 12:48 Donor, Yudolph (guess what song HE hates), and of course, the lovable but unacceptable Cuddlehump. #rejectedreindeer #
• 14:05 Snatch / Pecker #unlikelydoublefeatures #
• 15:20 Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? / What About Bob? #unlikelydoublefeatures #
• 15:23 My Dinner With Andre/ Detroit Rock City #unlikelydoublefeatures #
• 15:24 Roots / Birth Of A Nation #unlikelydoublefeatures #
• 16:59 Mexico's Island of the Dolls, one of the creepiest places in the world. digs.by/thg #
• 17:56 Someone's list of 32 Sci-Fi novels people should read. Of them, I've already read 14. You? digs.by/tiY #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

The modern superhero recognizes that Batcaves and high tech gizmos don’t pay for themselves, and for those that aren’t born rich, corporate sponsorship becomes a viable way to fight crime more effectively while controlling costs.

It’s all about the bottom line, really.

This is, of course, not without controversy.

• 01:23 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 235 : The Revenge Of Steve hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=547 #
• 03:11 @michaelianblack : Sandler was a pretty good comedian before his "angry man-child movie" faze. He deserves props. #
• 03:13 @cargoweasel : Migod, cargo.... you see through Black Friday! Maybe it helps to be a Canadian with Boxing Day experience. #
• 03:16 @wickedamy : You have got to tell us if you actually got to meet "Porkchop" and "Snatch". Been to a bar where the barkeep was "Horsecock". #
• 03:43 RT @Felicity4771: Ha! Awesome photo. tinyurl.com/yb5boqe [Credit: Michael Barrick] // MEDIUM TALENT! #
• 03:56 @Felicity4771 : I feel the same way. Whether the violence is physical or not, you live in fear and there's no security. #
• 04:27 Say to youself "I will exist for the next five seconds. " And when you succeed, say "there, I did it!" #
• 04:43 In a way, I hope Michael Jackson faked his death, and is now living with Elvis and Marilyn Monroe somewhere. #
• 04:55 @philthethrill : Sort of an alcoholic domino effect. The blitzed leading the bombed. \ #
• 06:03 Remember, Kirk Cameron proved that God designed penises to go into mouths. It's an intelligent design! #
• 06:35 Another blog entry has been UNLEASHED! : some hits from My Life Is Average hankwatchestelevision.com/unleashed/?p=678 #comedygeek #
• 13:09 Flyagra (maybe Spanish flyagra?) #medicinalanimals #
• 13:30 RT @capricecrane: Courtney Love was seen making out with DJ Qualls. To pedestrians, it looked like a tranny was molesting an anorexic elf. #
• 20:46 @wickedamy : You need a Heimlich.... of the SOUL. #

Originally published at The Comedy Geek Unleashed. You can comment here or there.

All of these come from My Life Is Average .

Yesterday I was sitting in science class taking notes, like always. As I am looking down on my paper I hear my teacher yell, “GO!” I look up to see him running the perimeter of the class turning on every computer. When he gets to the last computer he stops and yells, “What was my time?!” A kid in my class then goes, “7 seconds.” My teacher got really excited and yelled, “YES! THAT’S A NEW RECORD! MLIA.

I completely love this teacher. That’s my kind of mentor. Nuts.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Steve’s what you might call a “neo-traditional” villain.

He’s bringing it all back to the basics.

You know… evil.

• 00:13 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 234 : The Revenge Of Steve II hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=545 #
• 02:03 Why are they called "Lunchables"? As opposed to what? Unlunchables? What would THOSE be? An entire frozen watermelon... #unlunchable #
• 02:04 A steaming haunch of venison #unlunchables #
• 02:04 A turkey salad sandwich..... frozen in carbonite #unlunchables #
• 02:05 A big frothy mug of fulminating mercury #unlunchables #
• 02:05 Sloppy wet whale gizzards #unlunchables #
• 02:06 Lipton's Cup-o-Crap #unlunchables #
• 02:08 Four pounds of unprocessed beef byproducts #unlunchables #
• 02:10 RT @Felicity4771: My Inspector Gadget impression woke up my cat. // Did he shake his little paw-fist at you like Mad Cat? :P #
• 02:14 @thebenbrooks : Ahem. It's "vomitoria". As if! #
• 02:15 The purified essence of a skylarking wind spirit #unlunchables #
• 02:15 Trevor #unlunchables #
• 07:32 RT @TeensAreMorons: "She's 18, so I'm pretty sure she's in big people prison." #
• 13:02 @ss_slacker The early bird might get the worm, but the early worm gets eaten. #cowabunga #
• 13:10 The Rock of Gibraltar #unlunchables #
• 13:30 RT @silvermink: A milk-laden 6000-gallon tanker truck #unlunchables #
• 13:43 Patrick Stewart tells about a childhood dealing with a violently abusive father : digs.by/t8X #
• 14:14 RT @thebenbrooks: I'm a born again atheist. Meaning I am REALLY fucking doubtful. // That's "agnostic". #
• 14:15 @elix : aww! Much hugs, dear. *hughughughughughughug!* #
• 14:24 This game has the perkiest music EVER. Fun too! digs.by/t9H #
• 14:37 @cwgabriel : You know, I thought "persimmon" then I thought "How the hell would I know that? " #
• 15:41 I'm just suprised all this fuss is being made over Louis Black. #blackfriday #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Our as yet un-named hero is going to have to do a lot of growing up, very soon.

Whereas I am growing increasingly fond of Steve.

We’ll see what happens next!

• 00:51 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 233 : The Revenge Of Steve, Part I hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=543 #
• 06:05 By and large, the genders police themselves. #
• 13:23 RT @JamesUrbaniak: 3-year-old daughter just put on her princess costume and declared "I can't wait to get married!" Thanks, society. #
• 13:43 Happy Thanksgiving, America. Watch what you say, you'll be seeing them again in about a month. :P #
• 14:05 @BillCorbett : And remember to feel no gratitude whatsoever for said radish. That should not prove a problem. #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

First of a series! Stay tuned!

Steve has a voice like Seth Rogen meets Steven Wright.

But, you know, combined.

Not just them meeting at Sardi’s and having a chat.

• 01:23 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 232 : Bad Observational Comedy II hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=541 #
• 04:05 @Moderately : Yes, Whedon is adorable, along with being super talented and loved by millions. I am so jealous. :P #
• 04:51 @TheeGravedigger : Everyone who plays Assasin's Creed 2 seems completely blown away by it, says it's way better than 1. That's all I know. #
• 08:13 @ss_slacker I love your bee comics! #cowabunga #
• 08:14 RT @FakeAPStylebook: "Tryptophan" on first use, "Dad is too drunk to help mom wash the dishes" after. #
• 08:17 RT @FakeAPStylebook: If you feel you have been insufficiently blessed, it is permissible to call it "Thankgiving." // Or "Thanks"giving #
• 09:24 Top 100 Sci Fi short stories of all time. How many have you read? 29 for me, mostly the top 25
  digs.by/sDA #
• 09:30 @FakeAPStylebook : Beetniks. #
• 09:35 #imthankfulfor the Internet, without which I would have to go out into the cold, cruel world and meet human beings. I could hug it. #
• 09:41 @paulapoundstone : We could found one. It could be called Irksgiving, where you get together with friends and loved ones to bitch and whine. #
• 09:45 @robkroese : People still use Yahoo? #
• 10:35 RT @FakeAPStylebook: Use the term "free-range turducken" only if the turkey has eaten both the duck and the chicken. #
• 10:44 RT @thebenbrooks: Glad THAT follower left. Wonder who they were a fan of, Dobbs or Hitler?/ Potayto, potahto. #
• 11:36 why am I addicted to time management games? Running farms, hotels, bakeries, offices I used
  to fight aliens and stuff and now pretend-work. #
• 12:19 RT @FakeAPStylebook: Your Thanksgiving edition should have a front-page story assuring people that someone else is feeding the homeless. #
• 12:20 @skylos : I agree, people want to work. They want meaningful work that makes them feel connected to and accepted by society. #
• 13:07 Joan Rivers, back before she was a scary joke. Back when she KICKED. COMEDY. ASS. digs.by/sJb #
• 13:58 Remember, they're your family, and no matter how insane they seem or make you feel, they're part of you, and you of them. Peace y'all. #
• 17:57 A scene from the Matrix, done in Lego. Impressive. digs.by/sPa #
• 18:08 Beware the CONCENTRATED CUTENESS! digs.by/sPs #
• 19:12 @Moderately : Well show them. I bet they giggle too, or go AWWWWWWWWWWW. :) #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Because I really hate Carlos Mencia.

Hate, hate, hate.

Fuck you, Ned!

• 00:00 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 231 : The Epsilon Field hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=539 #
• 05:40 RT @sockington: lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick SORRY BAD FUR DAY lick lick lick lick lick #
• 05:40 RT @FakeAPStylebook: Avoid using "decimate" as someone will pipe up about it meaning "remove 1/10th of," and those people are dicks. #
• 05:45 RT @loresjoberg: Good corn tortillas are better than good flour tortillas, but crappy flour tortillas are better than crappy corn tortillas. #
• 05:46 RT @splatnuk: Should I Stay Or Should I Go F&#% Myself? #extendedsongtitles #
• 05:48 RT @loresjoberg: Hashtags that just repeat the main message #hashtagsthatjustrepeatthemainmessage #
• 05:49 RT @BillCorbett: Well, you know who else used to cite Godwin's Law all the time? HITLER. // Must have sounded funny coming from him. :P #
• 05:52 RT @capricecrane: I wish just once when some murderer's neighbor got interviewed on the news he'd say, "That guy always seemed murdery." #
• 05:58 RT @MikeyADHD: I WORE MY FOOTBALL HELMET IN SCHOOL ALL DAY TODAY AND NOT ONE TEACHER ASKED ME WHY. #
• 06:01 I Just Called To Say I Love You And List Every Holiday Ever At You #extendedsongtitles #
• 06:03 Iron Man (But Not Tony Stark, Some Other Irony Guy Who Is A Cripple And Made Of Metal And Here To Kill Us All) #extendedsongtitles #
• 06:04 What's The Frequency, Kenneth? Or At Least The Amplitude? #extendedsongtitles #
• 11:18 @kevinpollak : Imagine how awesome it would be if you got mistaken for someone, did an impression of them, and it got on TMZ as real. #
• 17:39 Kickass Mike Tyson's Punch-out Rap :bit.ly/5mvZlf #
• 17:40 RT @thebenbrooks: I'm beginning to see the dark at the start of the tunnel. #
• 17:40 Remember, today is the last day of the first of your life. #
• 17:44 Are you monsterbating in there? #classicmst3kquotes #
• 17:53 Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody. It rocks. www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY #
• 17:56 "Normal view! Normal VIEW! NORMAL VIEW!" #classicmst3kquotes #
• 17:57 RT @JamesUrbaniak: After Longfellow wrote that poem about him the village smithy became an egomaniacal asshole. Next on Behind the Poetry. #
• 20:01 @thebenbrooks : Do you see a more reasonable number of unicorns when you're not high? #
• 20:02 RT @diablocody: Old guy in line at CVS: "What happened to last year's Sexiest Man Alive? Did he die?" #
• 20:05 His house NOT in the village, the owner of the snowy woods would make stopping there the worst mistake of Frost's life... #BehindThePoetry #
• 20:11 Cautionary rhymes mistaken for nonsense, Carroll failed to avert the Bandersnatch victory over England in the Second Test. #BehindThePoetry #
• 20:13 But eventually, the mermaids DID sing to Prufrock, and soon the trio would rock New England with a whole new sound. #BehindThePoetry #

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

So much for smartass technicians.

Besides, you can’t expect them to use the same thing AGAIN. Where’s the fun in that?

And there’s such a thing as sportsmanship.

• 00:30 New blog post: Hank Watches Television 230 : Say It With hankwatchestelevision.com/hank20/?p=537 #
• 08:44 RT @michaelianblack: ...thinking: jumpsuits, painter's hats, jazz hands. In ten minutes we control the govt. First of business: more fries. #
• 08:44 @wilw : WHEATON! What is best in life? #
• 08:45 RT @TheAuthorGuy: I just had a shot a Nyquil and now I really want to go operate heavy machinery. Is that weird? #
• 13:35 RT @StephenAtHome: it's almost thanksgiving, so let me be the first to say, "you're welcome" #
• 13:36 RT @FakeAPStylebook: Remind readers that everything Congress does is unconstitutional, as the Constitution clearly established a "Congrefs." #
• 16:43 Another blog entry has been UNLEASHED! : a simple message hankwatchestelevision.com/unleashed/?p=676 #comedygeek #

Originally published at The Comedy Geek Unleashed. You can comment here or there.

… that will break your heart.

I can’t think of a better way to put it.

I’m alive because I was lucky enough to be born in the modern civilized technologically advanced democratic world.

By the time you finish reading this, some child will have died becuase they weren’t that lucky.

How fair is that?

Originally published at Hank Watches Television 2.0. You can comment here or there.

Although you might wanna think twice before eating the flowers if you’re not a bull.

Still, blowjobs are a very sincere form of affection.

Fun for the whole family!